Embracing Perspective

“What then can I say; If God is for us, who can be against us.” Romans 8:33b

The battle is raging around us her in the north. With two computers down, a house barely livable, a car that broke down again on the morning of a very important meeting concerning the purchase of our Heaven Touching Earth land, locals spreading lies about who we are and what we do, discovery that our corporation sole status in the U.S. has been revoked without notification, dishonest people trying to take items and funds, our website and so our email accounts frozen due to the sudden resignation of our webmaster, and a great deficiency of funds for our family… In Rwanda people would say: the spirits are against you. And we agree to this saying. Yes, the spirits are indeed against us.

I went to the foot of the volcano where the so called head demon of Rwanda dwells. I prayed and declared the blood of Christ over Rwanda while standing there. The atmosphere did not feel very pleasant around me, almost cold, though the sun was right on me. That same night we were woken up by an earthquake, started by that same volcano. Co-incidence?
From my backyard I see that same volcano and daily declare Jesus’ victory against that demon of fear, deceit, horror and terror. Nyabingi she is called. She has been given legal right to dwell on this volcano by the church and leaders of this nation centuries back. Look at Rwanda’s history and find the interesting role of the north of the nation in genocide ideology and other evil actions. Co-incidence?

“We do not fix our eyes on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:18
Perspectives change living this battle, I call it “the embrace of Kingdom perspective”. The unseen is what has the eternal consequences; my faith, my prayers, my declarations, my response from Kingdom perspective. The seen suffers in the unseen battle, the seen prospers in the unseen victory.
It sounds somewhat easy, foolish even. My spirit is ready to embrace the fullness of the Kingdom perspective, my flesh keeps me from squeezing it tightly. Trying to find a balance? I do not recognize there being a balance between flesh and spirit, the seen and unseen, God versus the world. The perspectives teach me to go all the way. For I do not belong to the world but am a citizen of heaven (Eph 2:19, Phil. 3:20) meaning my actions need to reflect my identity; Christ Jesus.

So I keep on warring as my battle is not against flesh and blood (Eph. 6) and keep on trusting , believing by faith, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). What I see looks defeated, abandoned, a joke. Yet by faith I see a victory coming, a battle to be won, Jesus revealed and a glory poured out, a nation returning to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. It is coming, by faith I see it!

Stand with me in battle.

Astrid

When all you have is you...

With our country's wellfare and insurance systems in place, with professionals to assist when others can't, with laws to protect you and demand you receive proper care in difficult times. With volunteers that have golden hearts and family that desires the very best for you, due to my life in safety, care and love, I had not entertained the reality of life without any of this. Until now.

One of our children, Jean Paul had become very sick. The doctors say it was witchcraft that caused him to look in the eyes of death. "The boy from the hopeless family" they called him at the hospital, other called him the "dead-boy". His features reminded me of the pictures on tv from the 1984 Ethiopia famine. Big eyes laying deep in their hollow eye sockets. Hip bones pointing through the cloths. Arms and legs that are no more than bones with a thin layer of skin to make it look human. Mouth and teeth crusted from dehydration.

An empty IV bag by his bed. Other patients begging me: "Take the boy for he wil die tomorrow."

After a more than 6 hour fight with lazy medical personal who did not show any concern nor care for their patients, and especially did not care for "the dead boy" we had convinced them to get an ambulance readu so we could transport Jean Paul to Kigali, where we could care for him and make sure he would receive the care he needs in order to save his life.

Jean Paul will survive! He is recovering from a double surgery, where maggets and other "black things" that are related to witchcraft (according to the doctor), were taken out of his stomach. He is eating well now and will soon be released form the hospital.

As Jean Paul is recovering he has made some conclusions that break my heart:

"Nor my father nor my mother have visited me, he said with tears in his eyes. My brother stole from the children and spend the money from sold items on prostitutes, not my medicine. My sister wears my cloths and buys buscuits for herself all the time, and I lay here naked and hungry.

The people who have received money to support me over the last years have not asked about my wellbeing, nor visited me in all these weeks.

I do not dream about my future, because to want, means to get hurt."

When we asked him what stood out as postivie to him within the current situation he replied: Mama and Papa Nani and Stella are the only people that have ever cared for me and loved me. To be together is what makes me want to live and dream!"

What can I say... When people around you are so busy to survive their trauma's and poverty and simply can not care about those around them as it hinders their own survival, and all you have is you...

I know that some of you know these feelings, I know those feelings. When you cry for help and no-one seems to hear you. When you stop dreaming because your dreams have been crushed too many times. When you suffer yet no-one reaches out to help you.

May Jean Paul's final conlusion of truth become your conclusion and testimony of truth:

"I know God loves me and has plans for my life, because when I was going to die He send people to make sure I was going to come back to life. I have seen God, I know He is true!"

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans of hope and a future. Jeremia 29:11

Loose Life to Gain Life

It has been 3 years. Who would have thought that the impact would be so big. I remember the words: ”Oh it happens all the time”, “It is a natural weeding out of the weak” and “it was nothing anyways, really, why be sad”.
Yet, my heart tells me all those words are not true. My spirit knows the Almighty holds the truth, this truth I have held on to these past 3 years.

It was a Friday afternoon when Trav had to come home early from work to take me to the hospital. Fear and peace came and went, as if they took turns those long hours of waiting in the hospital. The kind woman looked at me as she realized I too saw the reason of my urgent hospital visit. As I stared at the life less baby on the ultra sound screen I looked at the woman as if I wanted to ask her what was wrong with the machine, it is supposed to show a beating heart, not one that stands still. Tears started to flow. My mother heart was broken. My baby, it was no more.

Then the questions came; did I have too much wine during the holidays, did I eat food that damaged my baby? Did I, did I, did I…. Questions and self-accusations ran through my mind. Stopping my mind I prayed: “God, you are the Creator. I refuse to believe anything but your truth about this life you gave to me. Please give me your point of view, your truth about the life that was just so short.” Right away I heard my thoughts: ”Even before I formed you in your mothers womb I had called you to be a prophet to the nations.” These words were all it took for me to feel peace, to know that God had purposed this little being inside of me even if it meant to be so short.

We named this baby Noa, meaning Quiet Peace.
It has been amazing to see how the Lord used Noa’s short life to impact many other lives. As I would share the loss of Noa, yet the peace I felt during my grief, knowing that God desired my DNA-my child to live shortly and to be with Him so quickly to worship Him forever and ever, and how I knew that the day will come that I will hold my baby as if it had lived with me every day of my life, with people around me, many women broke down in tears. They shared the loss of their babies and the emptiness they had felt since that time as they were not able to grief their loss. The friendships and prayers following brought healing and peace to many women.
A new ministry had started. Most of it happened at my daughter’s school playground.

When the Lord used Noa to heal areas of loss and grief I had experienced as a child, I knew that I could never agree with those claiming; “nature weeds out the weak from the strong”.
My Lord, the Creator of the universe created my Noa with purpose. And the blessing from this life has impacted not only me, but many that were close to me in that time. Loosing life to gain life. I thank God for my little Noa. The day will come that I will hold you. Until then I know you are safe in the Father’s hands.
Quiet Peace is mine.

I believe...

Another one of those needs... Those where my thoughts after my Rwandan friend asked me to help a single woman about to give birth.

I prayed and asked God if I were to take any responsability for this need. Before I knew it I went through the boxes with baby cloths, diapers and receiving blankets. I looked in my closet to see if I had any cloths I did not favor and knew to be better used by a woman in need. On top of that the Lord impressed on me to add nailpolish and lipgloss. I searched my kitchen and ended up with a nice amount of food.

Honestly I was suprised at my response for I had not heard God say a yes or no about this particular need but yet an urge to go visit this woman and help with what I had.

I walk through some back ally's into an area that smells horrendous, open sewage, garbage, half dressed children. Yet this place is only a 5 minute drive from my home. ( see photo below)I enter a little corridor and stand face to face with a beautiful young woman. Obviously pregnant she comes and greets me. We enter her home; a small room with a bed and some chairs. I notice an old radio in a corner and a Kinyarwandan bible next to it. The walls are cracked and the only tiny window in the room barely gives enough light to see anything. (the very back area of this house is where Tatiana lives)

Tatiana slowely opens up and tells me her story.

She lived a life of plenty. She had her own clothing store, was preparing to marry a nice man and was loved by many people. She attended church and thanked God for the blessing life.

A little over six months ago she found out she was expecting. Her husband to be seemed to withdraw himself from her, eventhough this was his baby. Within a week he had taken all her money, her clothing, her juwelery and left her, to go to another woman. Tatiana was left with no choice but to ask for help. Her friends turned her down, as she had become a single mother to be... a disgraceful position to be in. Her inlaws who used to love her refused to speak to her. She had no-where to go and no-one willing to help her. She could no longer afford her previous lifestyle. In one day she turned from a middle class citizen to the poorest of the poor.

Robbed, completely robbed from opportunity, dignity and choice.

My heart was in turmoil listening to her story.

She continued to tell me that she is blessed to be alive and have shelter. But many days she stays in her room and just sleeps the day away, no food, no friends.

Tatiana proudly tells me the baby will be a boy, she'll name him KWISERA (trust). But her countenance changes as she shares that she even considers to give her baby away after she delivers, as she does not know how to provide for him. I fell tears welling up in my eyes and with a deep sadness I watch her as she keeps grabbing her bible expressing how God has been the only thing that has kept her going. How she keeps holding on to him, knowing that He knows of her and her situation. How this very moment is and expression of God to her. This women expresses such a faith and security in God. He was all she had left! I know that if I would not know God as my Lord and Saviour her testimony and her solid faith would make me cry out; "Yes Lord, I believe!"

Everything within me wants to grab her and tell her everything will be just fine... but will it? Could I make such a promise? Instead I grab the bag with items I brought for her and as I give her the items she just looses it and grabs me, she cries and cries uncontrollably, thanking God for listening to her cries for help. As I hold her I cry with her. And I come to the humble realization that my only reason to be with Tatiana is because God desired to express His love for her, and I just happened to be the tool he used. This was a Tatiana-God moment and I better not get in the way of it.

Tatiana is precious to me, very precious, because I know God wanted her to know that He hears her and cares for her. A friend recently sent me newborn baby boy cloths, just to give away. Christine, thank you, know that God used you to provide for Tatiana's baby boy!

Please pray for Tatiana, her due date is April 25th.

Be encouraged! Just as God listens to the prayers of this young mom-to-be, and expresses His love for her, He does the same for you! He listens and knows of your every need.
Today the Lord did a miracle for Tatiana. He can do a miracle for you!

"My Space"

How many children fit in one bath tub?
I am always amazed at the level of tolerance Nani and Zoey have concerning space. True that in Rwanda people like to be squezed. This is after all the most densely populated nation of Africa. Taking public transport you are squezed into a minivan with at least 4 adults in a row. I call it "hiphugging". When in church the sport seems to be to get as many people to squeze together on one little wooden bench. Even in the gorcery store I feel as if everybody has to stare at the same item I stare at just so they can squeze me... Claustrofobic?
Sometimes I want to wear a hula hoop around my hips, just to mark "my space".
Yet I look at my daughters; in the back seat of our car we have 2 child seats for the babies. The left over space barely fits a teenager. Yet both Nani and Zoey are used to the discomfort of hiphugging and just squeeze in...
They share a double bed, works great for the two of them. When they have a friend spent the night she too hiphugs right in... They than throw in the cat at least one big stuffed animal for each of them, some books and other random items...
Interestingly enough coming from a lifestyle of needing "my space" I find myself able to give up this "right" of space. Almost to the point where I expect to be hiphugging with someone at some point of my day. I actually find it kind of cozy, especially in the village it gives me a feeling of participation and unity.
When the body becomes what it is; a shell for the true part of a person; his spirit man, or soul instead of this "item" of glorification of special rights and needs, a person can enjoy the warmth and closeness of another shell. Let me explain what I mean; My body, my space, my physical needs... this was part of my morals my values to respect that in myself and others. This has changed over the time living in Rwanda. Observing my Rwandan village friends and particular bible verses have humbled me to get a grip of the purpose of a body. My village friends toil and sweat all day. Walking for hours and hours doing hard, very hard physical work. They produce offspring and eat away their hunger.
"Therefore, offer your bodies as a living sacrifice..." "The flesh is at war with the spirit(man)" "Without faith it is impossible to please God" All these verses from the bible show me life is not about the body at all. I know you know this. The question remaining is; why do we try to solve inner wounds; disapointments, abandonment issues, depression, trauma's with physical salutions...
Why do I feel I need my space... what in me causes me to get claustrophobic hips...
I know the Lord has done a work in me of restoration and perspective, He has opened my eyes to the value of the body and the great tool it is to express love, friendship, unity and acceptance. For so long I believed the body to be this elevated private element of a being, in need of space and respect. I have lacked expressing love, giving comfort and physical acts of frienship as a result. Rwanda's beautiful people opened my eyes, God changed my perspective as he healed my wounds "in need of space". Now I can hip hug without claustrofobic hips...

So how many children fit in one bath tub? You do the math!