Friends with Compassion

Today I went to the orphanage with my friend Didi from the Netherlands. We held babies, kissed little heads and silently prayed blessings over these beautiful children. While playing outside with my new friends others would come and hang with full body weight on me. I laughed, trying to remain standing. But when four of them do the same thing at the same time it gets a bit much. But how can I say "no" or "stop holding me..." when I read in their eyes starvation. Starvation for love, for a hug, a touch, a smile...

My heart filled with compassion for these children today. My throat had a big lump in it.
I stood by Angela's little bed for awhile. She is Yaida's age. She was one of the four babies I had held and kissed, seeing if she would be the one for our family... This little princess, so beautiful, so innocent makes me check the amount of bedrooms in my house, just one more baby... Then I see little Vera. She might be 6 or 7. She comes and stands next to me in silence. Then she grabs my hand and goes wherever I go. Silent friendship. She sits with me, I tickle her, oh, does she have a gorgeous smile. I find myself thinking..."she would fit too..." My little friend (first photo) is just the sweetest boy. He had wet his pants and I feel my cloths getting wet... but you know what? I honestly can care less. He is a snuggler, I wrap my arms around him and feel an overwhelming love for this little boy. Is this compassion?

What I felt for this young disabled boy can't just be compassion! My heart was hurting, I cried. I could not stop stroking his head, holding his hand, speaking words of love and care. This was a gut-wrenching pain mixed with love. It was hard to leave the room he was in. Was this how Jesus felt when he had compassion on people? People he didn't know, yet loved to the point of giving up his life? If this is what compassion feels like... it hurts. I'm not sure I like this. How much of it can I bear? It is a unique feeling. Not hopeless, not overwhelmed, it is very different in it's sort. I do like the way it makes me love the unlovable. Maybe that is why I can't figure it out, it is a good pain...
Yes, this is more than compassion, this is love... I guess I like this feeling after all.