When happiness is gone.

Lately most of my days are started off by 40 laps of struggle at the pool. Satisfied with my accomplishment I get ready for the day. Today while in deep thought I heard this all to familiar sound, followed by a feeling of sadness.

Hearing that lawnmower in the distance took me back to my backyard in Oregon. I saw the beautiful green lawn, I smelled the small forest connected to it, I heard the birds and the sounds of the neighborhood. I saw my house, the beautiful light wooden floors, and my favorite green wall. Comfortable furniture, colors that made me at ease. I saw my kitchen counters, so easy to keep clean, my favorite coffee mug and the old piano that I loved to play. I saw my friends, their children and the joy they brought. I smell coffee… the smell of friendship.

Fighting back my tears I look at myself in the mirror. These words come to my mind; life is not about happiness but satisfaction. Lately I have encouraged many of my unhappy missionary friends with these words. Words from my life’s lesson this past year:

Happiness is very much dependent on the circumstances one is in. Happiness needs to be maintained, obtained. It changes day by day. When difficulties happen, happiness is far to be found.

Yet when one is satisfied there seems stability and perserverance. When difficulties happen the person is able to face them and deal with them as the satisfaction of the over all life will carry the person through the difficulties. Satisfaction will make someone last even when the situation is not a happy one.

I cannot help but to think about the happiness I experienced in Oregon. So many people, activities and things made me happy there. Yet through all my years there I had emptiness, a lack of satisfaction. Now living in Rwanda I lack happiness. So much I wish for…Yet the satisfaction I experience through my ministry, the struggles and the joys is satisfying beyond belief. I could do this the rest of my life and just suck up the frustrations and hassles. I could go without the typical comforts and stuff that would bring about happiness. To feel satisfied is such a powerful thing. It brings so much peace and stability. It brings a joy that is deep.

I get out of the dressing room and see the lawnmower that started my thought process. I smile as I notice it even looks like the one I used to have and I agree with myself that my life, one of satisfaction surpasses one if happiness.